2,583

That is the number of the day.  If I could play these four numbers in the lottery and win, I would, but who has money for a lottery ticket these days.

I am not sure what week we are on but James is on his way to Houston for his first infusion of Cycle 5. Please pray for him. Last night, he felt “off” and did not take his chemo and then felt somewhat better today. He knows the ins and outs of his body and the effects these medications (mostly chemo) are having on him. I trust his judgement and if he is having an “off” day, I don’t question it nor try to worry too much about it.

This has been a rough 10 days in our “cancer world”. When you have been living with cancer for so long, it seems that the ones you keep in touch with are those who also live with it. Sadly, the non-cancer friends are few and far between.

As you pray for my handsome hubby this week and all of his tests, please keep the following families in your thoughts as I can’t fathom what any of them are going through.

  1. The sweet Wagner family. #TeamRyan has put up a courageous fight and has entered hospice. His wife Ashley and their son, Miles, living there with them on a blow up mattress. Not sure how I found them, but she was one of the first in my quest for answers/companionship.
  2. My friend Tiffany. Her husband has overcome horrific set backs only to be told there is nothing left to do for him. He has also entered hospice. They have two little girls who are on the verge of losing their dad and her, her husband.
  3. The James family. Laura had appendix cancer, has twin 3 year old girls and was on the same trial as my James. She passed away after a small bowel obstruction could not be treated. I just found this out today but it has sent me reeling even though every PMP patient is different, no story is the same but this hits very close to home.
  4. The Olson’s. Eric also has appendix cancer. They have two young girls and the immunotherapy did not work and he is returning to chemo. We love this family, like our own and our hearts break for them.
  5. Finally, my young cousin who was diagnosed with AML. She has a young family and is going through intense treatment.

Cancer knows no bounds and could care less the age of the person or the kind of life you lead. Some are blessed to be diagnosed and cured while others are diagnosed, treated and kept alive a bit longer. There is no rhyme or reason. Sometimes it is hard to understand why one is cured and your loved one is not.

Sometimes it is hard to understand how you have managed to fight for 2,583 days. How you have managed to tell people your husband or your dad has cancer and it is now 2,583 days or 7 years, 1 month and 5 days or 85 months and 5 days or 370 weeks and 3 days. Sometimes it is hard to imagine how you kept together this long.

Believe me, I am thankful for the 2,583 days. That is 2,582 more days than we thought we would have when he was first diagnosed and 2 years 1 month and 5 days more than the 5 year life expectancy he was initially given. I am thankful that the days, weeks, months and years are adding up.  But I am tired. We are all tired.

One final request, please keep our kids in your prayers. Carlie and Luke are strong, they are resilient and very rarely, if ever, will show you their fears or concerns. This is their life, their normal and has been for most of their young lives and they hide it well and manage to function on a daily basis. Please remember them.

A bit selfishly, please pray for me. I start a second (part time) job this weekend in hopes to be able to keep up with ongoing cost of James’ treatment. I will be gone on the weekends which will be a huge adjustment for all of us.

Thank you so much!

7 thoughts on “2,583

  1. Thank you as always for these updates… we continue to keep you, your family, James, and the team of doctors/researchers in our prayers. I am so sorry to hear of all your friends updates… I pray that you find comfort in your valuable time with them.

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  2. Tara – you are one of the strongest women I know. Your compassion for others and your love for your family is inspiring and reminds us all to be grateful for all our blessings. I feel your tiredness but I know you will find a way to keep going but please remember to take care of Tara too. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. God bless. Sending love and light. Hugs!

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  3. This post weighs heavy on my heart. Please know you and your family are in my continued prayers. I admire your strength and I feel the weariness in your words. The other families you mentioned will be in my prayers tonight as well. Just keep going, my friend. Just keep swimming.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think of you a lot. It isn’t selfish to ask for prayer – takes strength to ask for help. Don;t worry about the 2nd job. It will take a bit of adjusting, but will be a cakewalk compared to the other stuff you have going on. Keep flashing that smile and nobody will know how your knees are shaking! 🙂 Your upbeat spirit is inspiring and I look forward to seeing a bit more of you! Remember, the job is just temporary – the love you are doing it for is forever. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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